On milk and bullshit
Milk really is a white juice box if you think about it..
Did you know that humans are the only mammals who drink milk after they reach adulthood? Seriously, look it up, humans are the only animal who drinks milk after they reach adulthood.
This should be an obvious sign that drinking milk is a bad idea. And while we are at it, lets get rid of the following under the same grounds:
healthcare
education
clothes
heating
internet
literally most fucking things we do, unless you are amish (and even then you are not in the clear)
(oh no, i'm actually pro milk, plot twist)
Except for the obvious naturalistic bias that we see floating around on the subject of milk we also see the surfacing of other unfounded random myths.
For real I'm beginning to feel like someone has a personal vendetta against milk for stealing their gf on prom night
Anyhow, let's take a moment, and a glass of full fat milk (I live dangerously , I know) and take this step by step.
Here is the gist:
1. Milk has no actual usable calcium for the human body
Ok fine ,that one is fair. I can totally understand confusing an absorption rate of 35% with one of 0% . Totally understandable, all first year kids might have made the same mistake. [1]
2. By drinking milk over long periods of time you build lactose intolerance
I mean.. yes of course! We have a finite number of milk digesting bubbles and if you run out of bubbles you can't drink milk! That would actually be a funny idea, but can I point out something?
If this were true (and it really, really isn't) … you're essentially saying I shouldn't drink milk… because if i drink milk…. then at some point i might not be able to drink more milk…
So… in order to be able to drink milk…. I should abstain from milk..
Does… oat drink have hallucinogenic effects or something?
You know what's funny? The more you drink milk, the better the chance you have of actually being able to drink it. Because your body's microbiome keeps adjusting to your needs and diet.[2]
Now, if you are born with severe intolerance.. well then what the fuck are you doing here? Go read an article on juice box you little deficient gene rascal, you!
(If you have a lesser intolerance, drink some kefir which will help or just shit yourself afterwards like a man)
3. Full fat milk is … fatty… and.. thats bad or something , i dunno
I wish there was a nutrition nuts camp. I imagine them around the fire, telling spooky stories about… saturated fats!!
Ok first off…
In general, fats = good shit.
I know you have been told fats are gonna make you a walking whale but you also really really need them to make hormones…
Now i can understand the dilemma between summer bod and proper body function but like… just… think about it
“But milk has saturated fats! And those are pesky unhealthy fats”
They… aren't .
People once believed they were linked to heart disease but they just kinda dropped the ball on that [3]
(Trans fats still suck though, don't get too optimistic) [4]
So as a general rule of thumb…if they are fried they probably suck (so eat with caution don't get obsessed with it one way or another)
If they arent fried or heavily processed (no pasteurising doesnt fucking count) then you are golden
Anyway, as they said in animal farm:
“Milk fats goooood , Trans fats baaaaad”
4. Too many calories for too little benefit
I mean i guess its subjective
Personally, to me a 150 kcal snack that offers
calcium, B12, B2, Phosphorus, Potassium, Vitamin A, Zinc, Magnesium, Selenium and Iodine seems like a catch. But I suppose you only consume godly nectar so that pales in comparison [5]
5. No , you are not fucking lactose intolerant
Look… from people who claim to have lactose intolerance a significant number of them actually dont [6]
So there is a very high chance you can actually enjoy milk freely. In fact the actual amount of people with lactose intolerance is pretty fucking low on a population basis. So go test yourself if you really suspect you do have it. Otherwise just.. try some kefir to fix your biome if you're unsure.
Somehow we took one of the purest items in the supermarket. Something so plain , simple and nutritionally dense and fell victim to our own stupidity, casting it aside. I suspect some malicious marketing may have played a role as well in this (looking at you plant based crowd!). So yeah milk really is that good, no catch. Stop letting food-guilt ruin everything you enjoy. It really is simple, practical, sweet and nutritious. And you know what? Next up an article on plant based “drinks” , which are not worthy of the title of milk. Yepp, next week coming in hot to fuck plant-based up! Long live the milk!